Thursday, January 25, 2001

i had a disturbing dream last night..

disturbing for its sense of loneliness in a crowded world..

i dreamt that i was with some friends, travelling somewhere.. and i somehow lost them one evening.. i went looking about for them, and couldn't find them.. i went back to the cafe/restaurant we were hanging out at earlier, but they had no idea where my friends had gone.. over the course of the next few days i came to realise that i had fallen into some sort of 'groundhog day' trap, but with a twist.. i was living each day as only one day in each month.. whilst the rest of the world was moving on day to day to day, aging normally, i was living only one day of each month..

the dream went on to explore what this meant for me.. it meant i could never have a relationship or friendship with anyone for more than a day, because the next day, they would have aged a month, and moved on or forgotten me.. and i had no ability to keep track of events or the flow of life, because i was missing so much of what was happening.. i'd see the beginning of an event, then the next day, i would have to search out old newspapers to find out what happened..

the dream ended its sleeping portion with me meeting a girl, and spending a lovely day with her, but with the bitter knowledge that it could be only one day, because tomorrow i would jump ahead a month, and she would have spent a month without me..

and it was one of those dreams that even once you're awake, it doesn't go away.. i kept living it in my head, trying to deal with all the issues it brought up, of trying to track down all my lost friends, and find out what they were up to.. only to realise that they'd be in their old age by now, whilst i had aged less than a year..