Saturday, December 23, 2000

it's crazy dealing with depression.. what gets me, is i can't tell anyone.. i mean, if you mention it to someone, they feel like they have to counsel you or something.. make you feel better.. but it's really just a part of life for me.. i have moods, and pretty damn often i go downhill bad.. but i deal with it, i'm used to it, it's just life as it is..

sometimes i can tell someone i'm having a stink day.. but that's as much as feel i can say.. after all, i don't want it to be talked about behind my back, like "oh matts pretty depressed.. probably bipolar or something" .. because i'm not, i don't think..

and then there's antidepressants.. i mean, i could do those.. i have before.. but it just felt unnatural.. i'd far prefer to be in my natural state, whatever that is.. if it's fucking miserable, then so be it..

ramble ramble ramble..